I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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