I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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