we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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