i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
