don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
