Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
