I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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