9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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