Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
