first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
