Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
