just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
