and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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