The maid of honor just puked.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
