i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
