I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
