I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
