he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
