He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
cat food counts as protein by the way
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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