pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize