We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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