Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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