he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
