went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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