why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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