Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
