i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Randomize
