No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize