1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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