Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
