youre lurking in front of me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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