Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
