dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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