i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
