her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize