can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
