If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
