when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
