I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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