I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
