she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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