me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
