are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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