I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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