I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
3pm strippers are depressing
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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