I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
