im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
