okay pat passed out under dana's car
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
