Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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