I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
