I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
