Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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