Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
