Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
