No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I need a beard to bite.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
