When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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