what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
