Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
