Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
