haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
