some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
