I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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