Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize