Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
