So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
