i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
