Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
