I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
