My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize