It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
