if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
