Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
