I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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