Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
