Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
