We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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