Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
