I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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