I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
