You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
