I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
