About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
