Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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