We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
