So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
