I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
