Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
it was like eating out sand paper
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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