did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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