i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Damn victory sex feels great
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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