9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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