i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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