Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize