the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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