I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
