im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
